My Diary

Why Do I Feel So Old? – 29th April 2017

Why do I feel SO old? 

As I wrote the above header, my phone automatically changed “so” to capitals without me doing a thing. I clearly write it like that far too often!

We had a rare, child free night on Friday and had managed to get some friends to be child free too. If you’re a parent, you will understand how bloody difficult this task actually is. There is always someone who just can’t get childcare (usually us). Someone who’s already busy (usually orientated around their child/children/family) or the ones who flake out last minute (probably also us). So I treated this rare gathering of parents as a bit of a “special occasion”.

We were going to see a comedian at the theatre then probably go for a few drinks in town afterwards. So me being me, it’s a good excuse to get a bit glammed up which happens….. never. I didn’t go full blown ball gown or anything, just a nice 3/4 length copper coloured skirt with a black strappy top tucked in and a pair of cute lace up heels. My makeup was a little heavier than my normal day to day face but it was a “special occasion”

I felt rather dressed up at the theatre with most people around us donning jeans and sweatshirts but hell, all the girls in town would be dressed up…… or would they.

Apparently no one really does “dressing up” from what I saw. Is this a national thing or just in my town? We’re in Essex for God’s sake, where’s the fake tan? Where’s the ridiculously short skirts and heels that would break your ankles if you fell off? I was hoping my look would be quite understated but I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb.

Girls of an average age of about 12 (because everyone under 25 is about 12), just wearing jeans and ribbed jumpers with chunky boots, barely there makeup, downing shot after shot and there’s me in my sparkly skirt, big hair and dark red lips trying to disappear into my glass of white wine.

We didn’t stay out too late. Mr and I had a cheeky late night Maccy D’s then started our walk home (we only live 15/20 minutes from town so it’s not normally a big thing). My little heels by this point were killing every part of both my feet, ankles, calves and thighs. From blisters and trying to stay upright on wonky paving slabs, I was ruined.

I don’t wear heels anymore and this was quite evident to anyone who saw me wobbling/hobbling along the path. Bless Mr and his gentlemanly ways though, he gave me his (brand new, grey suede) trainers and he walked home in his socks. It was only upon arriving home that we realised, my heel was blistered to shit and bleeding everywhere (god love wine for its numbing properties). It had gone all over the inside of his trainer. I felt awful for ruining his new shoes and I have now vowed that heels (unless chunky) are out of the question for me.

The whole experience just made me feel super old. But why do I feel so old? I’m only 30 but clearly my days of partying are firmly behind me. I don’t know how people dress and I can no longer walk in heels.

I’m always anxious when it comes to going out out anyway and the thought genuinely makes me feel sick a lot of the time. At least now I will be able to throw on jeans and a nice top with my chunky boots (the clothes I’m comfortable in) and know that I’m not underdressed. I will keep my sparkly skirt for real special occasions or I’ll find a way of dressing it down completely and wearing my good old Converse with it. But I’m sticking with what I know from now on, my alternative persona lives on and sod it to trying to look preemed and perfect!

Maybe that attitude will help with the overall anxiety that comes from night’s out….. We’ll see.


  • Blonde On The Move

    Never dress for those around you, especially the evil 12yr olds. If you felt all pretty and special on your way out then good! Also, they were probably looking at you wishing they had made a bit more effort too! Easy advice to give but I understand completely how hard it is. Don’t let that voice in your head win. You’re ONLY 30 and you look amazing. So stick your fingers up to the world and dance to your own tune!! Xx

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